How To Forgive Yourself When God Already Has

Forgiveness is a beautiful concept. It's at the core of Christianity and it's what allows us to live in freedom as Christians.

And that's exactly what forgiveness is - freedom...

Until you have to give it to yourself.

We all know that God has forgiven us through the cross. We hear it in sermons, read it in Scripture, sing it in worship songs.

But living like we're truly forgiven? Looking at ourselves through the lens of Christ? Moving forward from your past? Even when that past was only yesterday, this morning, an hour ago or 10 seconds ago?

That’s a whole different story.

The disconnect between head and heart knowledge

There’s this gap many of us experience: we know God has forgiven us, but we don’t feel free.

We still carry guilt, shame, and regret over our past. That gap was something I personally wrestled with for a long time. I spoke about grace on my YouTube channel years ago, but behind the scenes, I was drowning in shame - particularly around sexual sin and just my general lifestyle before coming to Christ.

I knew what the cross meant, and I had experienced God's awe-inspiring love, but I still dealt with self-hatred, and my heart was hardened to myself. Put simply, I hadn’t let my knowledge of God's forgiveness penetrate my heart.

And that’s where the problem festers for so many other believers.

Unforgiveness is a direct sign of pride

Whether we realise it or not, holding onto shame is a form of pride.

And you may be thinking, "Hold on a minute, this is everything but pride! I hate feeling like this and oftentimes I hate myself!"

Well, when we continue punishing ourselves, we're essentially saying, “God, what You did was great, but I still need to make things right.” this is literally rejecting the very grace that was meant to set us free.

If we truly revere and honour our God, we should truly trust what He says when He says...

“There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” – Romans 8:1

Condemnation is not humility. Shame is not repentance. Punishing yourself is not pleasing to God.

The enemy mimics conviction - but causes shame

The suffocating thought of constantly not being enough for God and spiritual success is not from God. And I say that confidently.

The enemy will use the very sin he tempted you with to shame you afterwards. And because that shame feels like "righteous guilt," you mistake it for conviction. But here’s the difference:

Conviction draws you to Jesus. Condemnation keeps you looking at yourself.

And yourself isn’t the saviour. That's why Jesus had to come, but the enemy wants you to see anything or anyone but God as your god. So if it means you look to yourself as a god, despite showing every day that you cannot be God - so be it.

How to finally learn to forgive yourself

1. Acknowledge God’s sovereignty.

If God says I’m forgiven, then my emotions don’t get the final say.

“As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” – Psalm 103:12

2. Study the Old Testament

Too many believers shy away from the Old Testament, but this is a mistake.

Anyone who knows me knows how much I stress the importance of knowing the entire word of God. The law revealed how impossible it was to reach God on our own. Jesus fulfilled that law once and for all.

“For by one sacrifice He has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.” – Hebrews 10:14

3. Start walking in that freedom.

This is not because you always felt like it, but because the Word of God said it. Something I did (and do) is stop waiting to “feel” forgiven and begin choosing to believe it.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, behold the new has come.” – 2 Corinthians 5:17

What you can do today if you’re struggling to forgive yourself

Be honest with God.

Talk to Him openly about your shame. Tell Him where it hurts. He’s not shocked. He’s already forgiven you.

Meditate on the Word.

Spend time in His word. My favourites for this theme in particular would be Romans, Ephesians, Galatians, Psalms and the gospel of John. But whatever you read, God's grace is present in it all. Let His Word renew your mind and shift your identity.

Forgive yourself as an act of worship.

This isn't about pretending it never happened. It’s about acknowledging that Jesus has already paid the price. To hold onto unforgiveness is to reject what He already finished.

Walk like you’re free.

Speak, pray, and worship like someone who’s been set free - because you have been. And let's be real now. Too many of us will pray so beautifully to God and have such negative self-talk afterwards. I'm guilty of this!

Don't let your only moment of freedom be when you're talking directly to God, but talk with that confidence that God has showered you with His favour every single second of your day.

“For freedom Christ has set us free. Stand firm, therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” – Galatians 5:1

If God can forgive you - and He has - then it’s time to let go. Not because you’re ignoring the past, but because He’s already redeemed it.

You are not defined by what you’ve done. You are defined by what Jesus did.

The longer you delay accepting His grace, the longer you stay stuck in a cycle He already broke. Freedom is already yours in Christ. Now it’s time to live like it.